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Music picSo what would be in your Music Section then?  Music, eh?

No, very little of it. Just a handful of sheet music scores – Irish, Tin Pan Alley, Jazz, Piano – and one or two oratorio scores.

But hang on a minute (I hear you cry) you have seven large shelves labelled ‘Music’!  

Yes (I reply, gently, patiently), that’s right. They aren’t music at all, though. They’re BOOKS ABOUT MUSIC, you see. And musicians. Biographies of classical composers, Elvis Presley Annuals, collections of Musichall lyrics, histories of the symphony, the fugue, the country-and-western song …

OK, ok, I get the point. Books about music.

Hush now, mister man. You got me started – I’m not stopping now. There are books on how to build an organ, how to play the penny whistle, the guitar, the recorder, the drums, the Anatolian armpit clarinet, cool books on cool jazzmen, opuses on opera, rakes of rock, buckets of Beatles, shedloads of showbands, half a bottom shelf of Ballet books …

Ah now, come on! Ballet isn’t music at all. It’s only dancing.

Yes I know, and I don’t care. And there’s ballroom dancing and Irish dancing and things like that on the other half of the shelf as well.

Well, that’s a disgrace. I do love the actual music all the same. Did you not ever think of getting any?

I did not. Phone or email to inquire about, reserve or order any titles.

You must be joking.